“Chewing Crayons” gets its name from the culinary preferences of my beloved boy, Chatterbox Toddler.
Chatterbox Toddler eats crayons. He knows it’s a problem. He’s trying to quit. He’s down to a pack a day.
He whines incessantly if he doesn’t get his fix. This hasn’t been normal behavior. I blame his molars.
The poor kid’s mouth leaks like a faucet and I catch him shoving all sorts of things in there to try and relieve the pressure. Pencils, snowshoes, matchbox cars, crayons, tank engines, mountain goats, vacuum hoses, iPhones, keys and puzzle pieces. Everything except actual food, which he wants nothing to do with.
He leaves a rainbow trail of masticated colored wax wherever he goes and I’m stuck cleaning multi-colored spit chunks off the carpet. It’s a good thing he’s cute, because it’s easier to extend mercy to a cute kid after they’ve just puked up blue crayon all over the sofa. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
Chewing Crayons 
I’m from Delaware as well! This is crazy! Love your blog! (:<3
LikeLiked by 1 person
LMAO too funny!! I have definitely been there before!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol. Where were hilarious blogs like this when I became a mom? My oldest is only 16, so surely they were there?
I was a late bloomer in the World Wide Web and our first computer was given to us as an HP dinosaur around…2004 by my father in-law who initially bought it new. So that might present itself as a clue. Lol.
If I had read this stuff then in all it’s enormously, hilariousness I would probably have less gray hair! (As would the husband) and no issues with teeth grinding. This would have been a perfect and relatable outlet.
Yet, it is here now. And I thank you as well as all of you other hilariously deep moms for the entertainment and relatable laughter for myself and my family. I wish you could have been in my living room!
LikeLiked by 2 people
OMG I thought my little Kaelyn was the ONLY one who did this. She has an incessant need to eat the weirdest things! Cardboard books, dirt, and crayons. I’m pretty sure that makes up most of her diet haha
LikeLiked by 2 people
Found your blog by reading the Mom of 7 answers Costco Strangers, I think it was on FAcebook?
Anyway…
My grandaughter prefers chalk, must need alkaline balance or something.
I’d like to invite you to stop by my blog, in your “spare time.” I can hear your uproarious laughter from here.
purpleslobinrecovery.wordpress.com
LikeLike
I saw this:
“2 parents, 7 kids, 14 chickens, and a lot of wet underpants”
laughed out loud with a fat smile on my face.
Knowing I will enjoy this blog. hahahaha
wet undies in our house too. hahaha
toilet training two under four. 😦
LikeLike
Welcome. It’s always good to meet another mom who’s in the deep trench of toilets and toddlers. 🙂 Check out the Chewing Crayons FB page for more fun- including the ‘tantrum of the day.” Love that you stopped by.
LikeLike